what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
