I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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