Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
