Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
