What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
