You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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