Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
