I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
