like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
