first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
