Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
