Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
