I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
