I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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