Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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