Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
