someone threw a dead crab at me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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