The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
