why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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