Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
