We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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