he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
