This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
