PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
