You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
