wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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