I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You pole danced in your parka.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
