I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
