I wish i was in the wii world.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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