oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
