There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
