He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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