I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
