I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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