I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
