I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
