all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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