i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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