i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
