Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize