You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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