my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
