he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
