I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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