They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
