I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
