So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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