I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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