My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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