I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
