i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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