I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
