why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
