worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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