wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
