Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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