I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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