You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
