I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
