I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
