why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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