I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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