Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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