saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
