man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
