I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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