she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
