my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
