I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
