Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
