and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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