So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
