you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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