Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
